I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
