he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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