i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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