I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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