I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize