Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
