where does the pee come out of this thing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
