We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
