Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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