Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
