i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You are the jesus of drinking
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
