I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
