just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
