you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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