I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
