Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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