After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize