I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
