I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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