We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
