he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
