Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize