So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
