Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i have herpe
just one?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
