I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
