The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
