well I can't set my house on fire every night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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