She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
soo... how was my night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
