Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize