true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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