Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
