apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
