Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
