First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pants are for mortals
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
