Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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