i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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