Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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