I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
