i just google imaged poop.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
