at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
