so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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