I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
