90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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