I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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