my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
