is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
