Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize