I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
