duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
