Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He felt like a one man threesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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