would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
