I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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