My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
