just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
