i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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