I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
