Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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