My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
