I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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