you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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