I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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