Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Redeem this text for a blowjob
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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