soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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