i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
