3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize