Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
