We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
