i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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