the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
