I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
