that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
