How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
