So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
