i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
