dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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