I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
