whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
