I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
