in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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