Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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