I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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