I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
