My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
