Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
