If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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