That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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