are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
